I am so lame.

No, really. I am. There is no walking without pain. This has been going on since late March and I have yet to find some relief or what the hell is wrong with my foot.

The first diagnosis was tendonitis, which, it may still be. I don’t know. So my awesome general practitioner sends me to a physical therapist.

Physical therapist is nice, quiet, very diligent and detail orientated, but a tad bit nuts. After poking, prodding, and beating my pressure points with a rubber hammer, she contacted GP and tells him she thinks that it’s drop foot, a nerve damage issue.

Um. No. I do not drag my toes on the ground while I am walking; nor have I had a stroke, been diagnosed with MS, or had a vertebrae injury. It’s just my foot, you see.

Please make it stop hurting before I resort to chewing it off like a wild animal might do.

I’ve got umpteen different repetitive exercises to keep up with and anti-inflammatory-induced nausea, but I can still feel the dull ache and cramping. My arches scream in terror with each step and my four littlest toes follow suit.

Now I’m lugging around my x-rays and there’s a sports medicine doctor referral. We shall see. I would very much like to be able to run again.

At least I’ve stopped limping. There’s nothing sexier than a girl-gimp- and I say that with the up-most sarcastic tone.

And so in the spirit of silliness, I am making a list of things I would trade my right foot in for:

An iPod Nano (Black, please.)
A new acoustic guitar with hard case
Custom orthotics for my running shoes (Oh wait! Just one.)
A pair of Chaco sandals (Well, just one sandal… sort of defeats the purpose.)
A ticket to Comerica Park
Less frizz-prone hair
A raise
A few good men (Not the movie and NOT Mr.Cruise!)
A winning lottery ticket

A girl can dream, can't she?

"Was it you?...

Someone doing something not right
Shocked to see us interrupting their delight
Who was it that we saw that night
Was it you?" Spoon.

This was the weekend for running into exes.

PhD boy: 2
Spoonman: 1
Moviebuff: 1 (He was from over a year ago)

There must be a magnet of some sort inside of me. It's hell-bent on bringing me the most uncomfortable social situations ever. Well, not THAT bad, but they definitely aren't something I'd ask for.

They say that living well/ looking good or hot/ having fun is the best revenge-- and it is, but the way that I run into them isn't exactly emitting that sentiment. Or at least to me, it's not.

Most of the time, when I run into them, we're in our respective vehicles. And Austin's big enough to be able to go somewhere and not see someone to your immediate right/left that you know or knew. These are not high-traffic areas or large intersections. Most of the time, these encounters included less than 4 cars at the light or 4-way stop. We dont' even LIVE in the same area of town nor did any of this happen while we were in the areas of town that we live in.

It's just weird. So if anyone knows a doctor that can surgically remove this magnet, I'd be eternally grateful!

Does that happen regularly to other people? In the past, my exes have moved away, which was usually the catalyst for the break-up.

But! It was an Austintacious weekend and I can't complain. Even today's overcast skies are somewhat of a blessing. It is offering me the time to sit down and put my thoughts down, to conquer that pile of laundry that's been towering over the basket, and finally finish the novel for our book club.

But it also gives me too much time to sit and feel a little lonely because Sundays are the best day of the week for being lazy, spending all day underneath the covers with a special someone. That's something that I miss.

Revenge is best served….

or rather, pitched!

This particular game is amusing on so many different levels for me.

MLB is oh so cathartic for this girl right now. Sure, a lot can change with so many games left in the season, but the Tigers are off to a great start (for them, at least) and I just might be getting the silent revenge that I daydreamed of, but never specifically asked for.

Sometimes life does fall into place and can be incredibly karmatastic.

This is everything I needed and more to bring me out of the funk I’ve been in for 2-3 days.

You know those days when you are a tangled amalgamation of emotions and you can’t sort through them, nor make-out just what exactly is bothering you? You just feel restless and upset and testy. You want so badly to be happy and carefree, but it’s just not happening.

Part of it is sleep deprivation because the insomnia is hitting me hard lately.
Part is frustration and disappointment in myself.
Part is anger, confusion, and annoyance in others.
Part is healing a bruised heart.
Part is being lame and unable to exercise and work my stressors out, much less walk.

I just couldn’t seem to fix myself in the normal ways due to physical limitations. But I did manage to eat an entire Lindt Swiss Milk Chocolate bar with Hazelnuts. That, my friends, is the best chocolate that money can buy; but even sometimes that does not work.

But it’s all coming around full-circle:

I slept well last night!
I feel content and whole in myself today!!
I paid my bills for the month: wee!
Physical therapy was [FINALLY] approved by my insurance!
Family vacation plans are including me this year!

So let that be a lesson for us all:

Routing for underdogs eventually pans out.
Baseball is fucking awesome.
Have faith in our crap-ass health care system.
Time and sleep are essential in healing much that ails you.
Eat lots of milk chocolate and hazelnuts!

"This song is sung for anyone that's listening...

This song is for the broken-spirited man
This song is for anyone left standing
After the strain of a slow sad end." Uncle Tupelo.


I realized something yesterday morning laying in bed as I was bemoaning yet another migraine brought on by the rain:

I’m upset that he could just dismiss me only knowing a portion of who I am. And I’m just as guilty of the same, only not with him.

How can someone find out if they are able to love again if they don’t even allow time to get to know someone?

The funny thing is, I can’t even answer it. And yet, I can: fear.

The second I realized I like Ph.D. Boy (the one before) and Spoonman, I froze. The possibility of moving on was something greater than what I was capable of handling. It’s almost like a switch was flipped and I was turned off. I lose myself in my worry.

What if he doesn’t feel the same and I get my heart broken?
What if he likes me more and I have to break his heart?
What if he does feel the same?
How am I going to handle this?
Am I able to handle a relationship?

I really could not answer any of these questions flying and buzzing through my head. I’m pretty sure most of us go through something similar when we reach this point or at least those of us that have been through an ugly breakup after our first love.

I find myself following two fundamental commitment-phobe rules:

1. Avoiding starting things with those we would most certainly hurt/would feel bad about hurting/are way too clingy.

2. Don’t give up much of your free time, especially not your weekends.

3. Don’t get too close. Just don’t.

And so the cycle continues. And I have just as much responsibility in this as he did. We both played those rules against each other until I started to break down concerning #3.

So, it goes to show that we’re all probably capable of falling in love again if we let it happen. The problem is realizing potential and not running away.

I don’t know if I won’t run away because I’ve not been that far yet when I’ve realized there may be potential. Both Ph.D. Boy and Spoonman ran away before I could.

Don’t I know how to pick ‘em? I guess it really does take one to know one.

*dance*dance*

Hey, with a team like the Tigers, I've got to find my time to victory dance when I can!