I am so lame.

No, really. I am. There is no walking without pain. This has been going on since late March and I have yet to find some relief or what the hell is wrong with my foot.

The first diagnosis was tendonitis, which, it may still be. I don’t know. So my awesome general practitioner sends me to a physical therapist.

Physical therapist is nice, quiet, very diligent and detail orientated, but a tad bit nuts. After poking, prodding, and beating my pressure points with a rubber hammer, she contacted GP and tells him she thinks that it’s drop foot, a nerve damage issue.

Um. No. I do not drag my toes on the ground while I am walking; nor have I had a stroke, been diagnosed with MS, or had a vertebrae injury. It’s just my foot, you see.

Please make it stop hurting before I resort to chewing it off like a wild animal might do.

I’ve got umpteen different repetitive exercises to keep up with and anti-inflammatory-induced nausea, but I can still feel the dull ache and cramping. My arches scream in terror with each step and my four littlest toes follow suit.

Now I’m lugging around my x-rays and there’s a sports medicine doctor referral. We shall see. I would very much like to be able to run again.

At least I’ve stopped limping. There’s nothing sexier than a girl-gimp- and I say that with the up-most sarcastic tone.

And so in the spirit of silliness, I am making a list of things I would trade my right foot in for:

An iPod Nano (Black, please.)
A new acoustic guitar with hard case
Custom orthotics for my running shoes (Oh wait! Just one.)
A pair of Chaco sandals (Well, just one sandal… sort of defeats the purpose.)
A ticket to Comerica Park
Less frizz-prone hair
A raise
A few good men (Not the movie and NOT Mr.Cruise!)
A winning lottery ticket

A girl can dream, can't she?