"He is everything you want. He is everything you need...

He is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time..." ~ Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want




Seriously, this is ridiculous. I don't deserve a blog and I apologize.

Blogging used to happen from work at lunchtime and even more so when the second job was obtained -but- the IT Department put their foot down. Two jobs means I'm working almost all of the time during the week. 8 am to 10 pm. And it's amazing how much more sleep one requires when you work all of the time. Still, paying debt off while being able to still enjoy what little free time you have is amazingly cathartic.

The vehicle has been giving me a lot of worry as of late. But instead of sitting in a waiting room reading Car and Driver and plunking down hundreds of dollars, there's been a little grease under my fingernails. That's right, I've gotten under the hood and removed and cleaned some parts and it's really empowering. Although, that could be the pervy construction workers across the street sending cat calls my way. Uhhhh nah. It's playing mechanic; Totally.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where I've been, where I'm going, what makes me happy, etc. It's almost like that pesky Quarter Life Crisis is knocking on my door (a la SNL Land Shark) only this time, I am better equipped to handle it. (Or kick it in the balls, whatevs!)

Going back to school has crossed my mind. I'm really not sure whether or not it's feasible but that's a highly supported choice. The other is finding a new job. While I love what I do, it doesn't pay much and the options for moving up within the organization have been squelched within the past 6 months. I could go back to working for the university and hopefully they might pay my way through school... or go private sector and explore my opportunities there. But no matter what, the conquoring of debt comes first.

You know those times in movies when someone realizes "This is my life!"? I sort of feel that way a lot recently. There is a reason for all of the commotion and upheaval and improvement going on all around me: Cincy. He's finally decided that being with me is where he wants to be. I will admit to knowing something was there all along, though I did fight it quite a bit; I won't count my chickens but things are really good. I'm walking on fluffy, Marscapone, clouds after 5 months of non-chalant dating long-distance... this is so not me and yet, it feels more me than before. 15 days until we can see each other again! It seems like an eternity but as soon as we're together, it just picks up right where we left off and continues.


Blog, I'm sorry but you come in dead last on the list-- but it doesn't mean we're through, rather I'm temporarily busy improving other areas of my lifeand I will get to you when I can. I promise.

On the Austin Bachelor

During the past 3.5 years that I've been single and living in Austin, I've become well aquainted with a behavior that is labeled "The Peter Pan Syndrome."

Basically, it's an epidemic that is spreading to bachelors near you... They just want to date and date and date and date and can't settle down. They can't sit still long enough to get to know any girl and God forbid she not put out within a week.

Of course, it works as a good weed-out for some women who can pick up on the most subtle of symptoms and run in the opposite direction. But those women aren't trapped in a house with cameras and snarky girls lurking in every cranny.

Apparently, the most recent bachelor also suffers from this affliction called the Peter Pan Syndrome. It's almost funny because I called it at the beginning while watching with my sister but was hoping it would end otherwise.

My sister snorted in disgust, "So why did he even buy the ring?"

"I don't know..." I held my left hand out to examine an invisible engagement ring,"Maybe he liked the way it looked on his own hand?"

I'm sorry!

My apologies to my greatly ignored blog. It was never my intension to abandon you for so long.

Having two jobs puts a great damper on the free time one has. And a large portion of that free time is spent sleeping.

Let's hope a new day job is in the works for Scarlett.

"Reckless days of wonder...

breaking the fall with trampoline feet" ~Son Volt, Waking World




Working for “The Man” has its ups and downs. Lately, I am on this Yo-Yo ride. You know? The one at the amusement parks? The long swings that twirl you out, almost perpendicular to the ride and then you start moving up and down in tiny circles thanks to the awesomeness that is centrifugal gravity? As a child, there were few rides that offered that kind of thrill without the dangers.

But back to work… It’s one LONG yo-yo ride. Turn in some kick ass numbers or finish a big project, an extra long swing up; then there’s the swing down and sometimes if it doesn’t catch you right, your swing yanks on the chain, the seat tips a little too much, and you hurl all over the person in front of you. (Hey, it’s a puke theme today, AllBilly!)

Today is the down swing of the little circles. I’m so frustrated and that upsets the tummy further, yet I can’t help but yearn for the circle up and that lightweight, practically weightless feeling. It’s in the making- if there’s an interview.

I need a break. We all do but waiting for it, it’s brutal. Let’s all get raises and promotions and kickass-edness. Please?

And churros. Churros for us all!

TGIF

"Depend on no one else to give you what you want ...

All the women who are independent Throw your hands up at me." ~ Destiny's Child

Not my favorite song or group, but it works with the piece-so bear with me!

Most of you probably don't know that I work with college students because I rarely talk about work other than how it keeps me far and away from the blogging as of late. But yeah, I help push the education onto the general population. It's a noble cause, spreading the word, though sometimes I really wonder...

Like the Junior [from an alma madder of mine, no doubt] that asked for an interview to discuss several topics that affect students. One such subject broached the financial aid process and the difference in the types of students: "dependent and un-dependent."

Cripes, this person got through 3 years of college! Even Beyonce got it right!

"Ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges!"

"Time may change me but I can't trace time." ~ David Bowie, Changes


It's been forever, I know. Please forgive me for I have committed a blogger sin.

It's not that there isn't plenty to write about. And no, Limey hasn't taken ALL of my time, though, he continues to earn more of it...it's really that work has taken over my body. It's all that has been on my mind lately.

"You're such a good employee..." Limey's sentence trails off as he sits on the edge of my bed watching me finish up something-or-other on the VPN. The computer at work has also taken over my home computer.

"No," I sigh, "I just have a desire to move up and this is my first, and best chance. This is my job."

But is it? Doubt sets in when the thoughts begin to wander.

This job means more responsibility; More challenge; More technical skills; More financial stability; All of which there is a great hunger for. It's almost second nature how long this growl has been muffled and hushed by my much more patient arms.

Two years in the current position, which I love, don't get me wrong... but have outgrown. The half-ass challenges set up by myself are proof enough that I need more. Procrastination- my little Imp of the Perverse rears his ugly little head again. And the work gets done.

A year in the position that did so much for others but depressed me so.

4 years at the position that helped me earn the graduate degree and taught me that math was not my nemesis.

They've all been good to me. I've never felt completely comfortable in leaving, of change, but that's normal. This time, there is a comfort in the change. There's no parting with the entity and the raise alone would enable me to clear my debt and pursue other avenues that are until then- out of reach.

Still I'm terrified. What if this is my job but it goes to someone else? If I don't get it, the search continues, it goes beyond my current borders and into another department or even another entity entirely.

And so I've been throwing myself into my work. I work all day and then at least a few hours in the evening. Sometimes there's working through lunch, eating at my desk, crunching numbers, improving the integrity of my spreadsheet or database when I'm not entire sure this is worth it.

This is my life. Is this my life? Is this what I want?

I think so. I mean, no one is completely sure, but this would get me that much closer to figuring it out by freeing up a lot of the stress that just eats me up. For one, the tears over my debt would cease as the speed in which it is paid off would double. And I wouldn't feel as if potential is meandering about instead of walking within full sight.

I might even have more time to write.

I'd hardly recognize my life if this change were to take place, but at this point, questioning, "Is this my life?" seems more comforting than the status quo.

So please forgive me and keep reading (if there even is an audience anymore) hopefully there will be better things to write about in the near future.

This IS my job.