"He is everything you want. He is everything you need...

He is everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time..." ~ Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want




Seriously, this is ridiculous. I don't deserve a blog and I apologize.

Blogging used to happen from work at lunchtime and even more so when the second job was obtained -but- the IT Department put their foot down. Two jobs means I'm working almost all of the time during the week. 8 am to 10 pm. And it's amazing how much more sleep one requires when you work all of the time. Still, paying debt off while being able to still enjoy what little free time you have is amazingly cathartic.

The vehicle has been giving me a lot of worry as of late. But instead of sitting in a waiting room reading Car and Driver and plunking down hundreds of dollars, there's been a little grease under my fingernails. That's right, I've gotten under the hood and removed and cleaned some parts and it's really empowering. Although, that could be the pervy construction workers across the street sending cat calls my way. Uhhhh nah. It's playing mechanic; Totally.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where I've been, where I'm going, what makes me happy, etc. It's almost like that pesky Quarter Life Crisis is knocking on my door (a la SNL Land Shark) only this time, I am better equipped to handle it. (Or kick it in the balls, whatevs!)

Going back to school has crossed my mind. I'm really not sure whether or not it's feasible but that's a highly supported choice. The other is finding a new job. While I love what I do, it doesn't pay much and the options for moving up within the organization have been squelched within the past 6 months. I could go back to working for the university and hopefully they might pay my way through school... or go private sector and explore my opportunities there. But no matter what, the conquoring of debt comes first.

You know those times in movies when someone realizes "This is my life!"? I sort of feel that way a lot recently. There is a reason for all of the commotion and upheaval and improvement going on all around me: Cincy. He's finally decided that being with me is where he wants to be. I will admit to knowing something was there all along, though I did fight it quite a bit; I won't count my chickens but things are really good. I'm walking on fluffy, Marscapone, clouds after 5 months of non-chalant dating long-distance... this is so not me and yet, it feels more me than before. 15 days until we can see each other again! It seems like an eternity but as soon as we're together, it just picks up right where we left off and continues.


Blog, I'm sorry but you come in dead last on the list-- but it doesn't mean we're through, rather I'm temporarily busy improving other areas of my lifeand I will get to you when I can. I promise.

"I wish you could be here with me...

...I would show you off like a trophy." ~ Camera Obscura, Country Mile


"You know in that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding? How the main character wants to work in a tourist agency and she has to get her father to suggest the idea so he'll agree to it? Well, it's like that."

"Oh? Is it because of the circumstances?"

"Yeah. If I tell them we're seeing each other, they will be more critical. They always are more critical of girls I bring home that they know I'm seeing but if they suggest that you're a nice girl... they will automatically like you."


"So, maybe not Austin for New Years?"

"Check into your time off at work."

"Isn't this the best part of breaking up...

finding someone else you can't get enough of... someone that wants to be with you too." ~ Liz Phair, Why Can't I?





I promised myself no more long distance relationships. I've tried it once before on a well-established relationship and it imploded 2 years later. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what happened 3 years ago. I didn't do much more than accept that it was over and cry a lot for the first 3 months or so; And then there was the era of late nights, late-twenties debauchery, and dating and dating and some more dating.


I'm still enjoying my singledom. Only this Cincinnati transplant is really making me rethink the rules that I have set in my past. Not that I'm compromising anything incredibly deeply rooted but he's made me think about my past in ways that I wasn't sure I should, yet it sparked a few weeks worth of thought and ultimately this entry.


Which brings me back to the LDR. That one had been established on rickety 2X4's that I alone reinforced. Which is why the bad taste developed for the LDR when that wasn't the source of the problems. Distance just exacerbated what flaws were already in place. In a way, the LDR was the best thing to ever happen to that relationship. At least for me that is the case.

But I still can't say that I'm open to it. It's scary. It opens one up to a vulnerability that spans 1000 miles or so. I've never started a relationship long-distance, only ended one. We're still getting to know each other past friendship as if each phone call is a date in a coffee shop and each visit is a month's worth of dates. And that is where we stand.

But to think all it took was one seemingly un-related question from him to launch this thought process.

"And the phone is a fine invention...

It allows me to talk endlessly to you." ~ Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins




Okay, so I haven't been completely honest... I'm probably not "unboyfriendable." Though, sometimes it feels like a huge 2x4 of it has hit me in the head, knocking me unconscious and, well, "unboyfriendable." I have my moments of insanity driven emotion. If I didn't, I wouldn't be female.

And then there's the fiercely independent person, the one I was born to be. The one that freaks her mom out by doing all sorts of things alone and being very much okay with it all. I mean, why not? I don't have issues meeting friends out downtown instead of meeting up somewhere first. I have now been to a movie alone and actually enjoyed the experience. And I've taken myself out for sit-down dinners several times, though I must admit, a great majority of those were work/travel induced. But I like being alone too is my point.

This is WHY I am boyfriendable. I can leave a guy alone and do my own thing. I don't freak out when he wants to go out with the guys; I can go shopping alone so that he doesn't have to endure the crapfest that is jean shopping; I enjoy the heck out of my own life enough that I don't spill out, over, and engulf his. Not that my life is a party... I mean, you've seen the state of affairs if you've kept up at all.

But it's also exciting.

Today, I spoke with a former interest who works in the same field, only it pays better and there's more chance for advancement. And he found me a possible job. All I had to do was make contact. I winced, I admit. He and I had a spotty past. I don't think either of us took each other seriously. But yeah, we all have been young and stupid, even in the recent past. And so the next chapter in my professional life might encompass exactly what it is that I want to do with my life with the added bonus that it is in the private sector.

Work has gone topsy-turvy on everyone. It is about as familiar as it was when I was about 3 months into this career path. I can't even say what it is that is happening but it's less sad and more hilariously funny. I wonder what else can change the next time I flash my badge at the security guard. What does this day of the week involve? It just may keep me entertained enough until things change for me in the professional arena.

And then there's Cincinnati. Not the city, rather a boy. A boy called Cincinnati. Or at least, that is how my friends know him; a fact I recently divulged in a fit of laughter. He retorted, "Well, you ARE known as 'Austin' in my circle, so..." And so it is. Austin and Cincinnati, two hill-topped cities that have "clicked" for some time. There are factors that make this difficult and slow... but who knows? The future can hold a great many things.

See? Excitement!

I "squee" with anticipation, which is, of course, the onomatopoeia of excitement.