"Fire up the crackpot..."

It's been a while since I've had a funny phone conversation with my parents. Lately it's been stressful for several reasons. It's nice for a change. Here are some bits worth sharing.


Dad: So I was looking at the high schools here and...
Mom: In the newspaper, honey!
Me: mmmhm
Mom: Well, dear, she can't possibly know where you're getting this information from.
Dad: Yeah, so and who got valedictorian and sagettarius and..
Mom: [snorts]
Me: [laughs] Dad, it's salutatorian.
Dad: Yeah, that dinosaur thing...
Mom and me: [snorts]


Mom: So we went to the Gordita Festival this weekend.
Me: Ahh, did you see any little, fat females?
Mom: Your grandfather* made a comment about the short, fat women!
Me: [amused] Mom, gordita is not just a puffy stuffed taco, it's literally "little fat female" in Spanish.
Mom: Oh my gosh! [giggles]
Me: Though, I don't think it counts because he didn't know that... but we'll just pretend!


*Papa is 89 years old. He's always been opinionated and anti-fat. He also thinks I am an old maid.

"Are we enemies of the state?...

Or idealist bourgeoisie?" ~NOFX, The Marxist Brothers



This is a recent conversation that took place between my younger sister and her boyfriend Mark who is visiting. They are a constant source of entertainment and occasionally jewels like this shine out amongst the rest:


Her: *gasp* Baybeeeeee that's racist. Don't say that!

Mark: What's racist about it? I was just telling your sister to watch out for the darker skinned man because it was dark and she was driving.

Her: Don't call him dark; That's racist!

Mark: Um. I'm FROM [insert large midwestern city], I can't be racist. [I was smirking]

Her: No, that was racist.


Mark: If you don't stop I'm going to have to go womanist on you! [How does someone go womanist on you?]

Me: *laughs* Um. May I remind you that there's another woman in this vehicle. If you insult the driver, you get kicked out!

Her: Yeah... if you go womanist, maybe I'll just go Marxist.

Me: *uncontrollable laughter* Do you know what Marxism is?

Both: Yes.

Me: Well then, you have my blessing to get bourgeoisie on his ass.