Personal Ads 101 Vol 3

Okay. This was too good not to do another one of my personal ads 101. I think my coworker and I were in stitches and I at least HOPE that this person is totally messing around.


Ad #1:
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. - 25


Wow, Profoundly insightful for a young male of 25. I think I will see what's inside even though it is a strange title for a personal ad; it did grab my attention, after all.


I know I'm attractive. I know this because of the smiles/looks I get. I know this from the way females engage in conversation with me.

Okay, this is just embarrassing right here. This may be even more comical than the proverbial, "My mom says I'm handsome." And quite frankly, even I read people wrong. So that "way" that women talk to you may just be the way they talk, you know, especially if they are of the ex-UT sorority type that craves male attention. (I'm sorry to any sorority girls out there, but there is a distinct type of girl that is destined to be a Tri-Delt here in Austin.) Anyways, some humbleness might behoove you, boy.

One small (no pun intended) insecurity keeps me from making "the move". My size. Yep, a whopping 4 1/2 inches when erect.

BwhahahahhaWHAT?! No, the laughter is not directed towards the numerical value, it's more the nonchalant way in which the subject is broached. It's almost as if he was hitting on some girl and was like, "So yeah, I watch Grey's Anatomy too, that's cool. We should watch it together sometime with my "roommate," the 4 inches of fury."

Now, I have never had a female complain. Quite the opposite actually.

Um. Then what's the problem, bubs?

Yet, I cannot remove this mental obstacle from my mind. My huge fear of disappointing the opposite sex has resulted in no sex.

Oh, I see. Really now, it's not like you have the Herp. Besides, unless the girl is just cavernous, I really don't see the problem. Aren't the most sensitive of all of the nerve endings at the opening and first inch or so? Yeah. Someone didn't take Human Sexuality at UT. Tsk. Tsk. Come on now, you're 25, surely you've heard of Google.

Well, except from the ex, and that has to stop. So, I figure if I put this out there before hand, then you'll already know and I should be worry free.

Now you've done it. See, all of this work into a personal ad and you admit to bumping uglies with the ex-whatever. Yeah. I'm sorry but this is never a good idea. Though I've fallen victim to this before, you should never admit to this while advertising yourself. Social graces and such. Gah!

Now the rest of me. I work in the IT industry. So I'm somewhat educated. I dont really do the club thing, although I like the bars and live music scene. I'm open minded when it comes to music. I listen to everything at least once. I dont watch a lot of TV but I love movies and the occasional book. Currently, I smoke (I'm trying to quit). I get stoned every now and then. Rainy days are the best. I shaved my head because my hair started thinning. I'm 25 and losing my hair. Lovely.

This part, other than being incredibly blaze is not too bad until we get to the last sentence. Stop! Riiiight there. Okay, George Costanza, own your baldness. There's nothing less sexy than someone that's just not confident in himself. Baldness is not death. Surely you realize that many men lose their hair due to too much testosterone? No? Well, yes. AND you can use that as a selling point. 4 inches or not, it's not lacking in vigor.

Well, your still reading...either because you're amused or interested. Email me and let me know which one...

Amused. Truly amused. Thanks for the invitation but I'll pass. So does my coworker. But it's not due to your size, it's more about your attitude. Unless, of course, you were just trying to be funny. Then… no, even then it's just poorly written.

Suggestions: Come on. You can muster up some confidence. You've got this special talent or you're easy to talk to... work with me here. I'm trying not to make fun of this ad in the event that it's true.

You're= You are. Your= possessive you. "Don't" has an apostrophe. Please use that key next the colon and the enter key. Yeah. That's it! Oh yeah. Right there! Oh and don't neglect the comma. It shacks up with the less-than sign. Yeah! Oh yeah! Punctuation, baby.