The Art of Writing Personal Ads 101 Vol 2

Women do it too. They bathe, they brush their teeth, they practice the art of self-pleasure, and they shoot themselves in the foot in personal ads.

It's true. We are not excluded from the club. Here were some of my favorites:

Ad #1:


What is a woman like me doing in a place like this?

This is my first ad and I am not sure what to expect. I am hoping to meet a gentleman that is not only attractive and successful, but kind and sincere. I have a good life and alot to offer and you should too. I am 5'5', attractive, fit with alot of interests. I am selective about who I date, so please send a breif description and a pic.


For someone who thinks an awful lot of herself, she didn't supply much to work with, did she? "I fit with alot of interests." Ignoring the blatantly obvious misspellings- because I don't always have the best spelling, though I would have run spell check before posting- how exactly does one "fit with a lot of interests?" And if you are selective about whom you choose to date, then brief is not going to cover all of your bases.

Attraction and success are definitely bonuses when they are attached to kind and sincere men, but me thinks some one's seem Pretty Woman a few too many times.

Suggestions: Use spell check. I don't have MS Office at home but I do have a gmail account that has an excellent spell checker. If you can't get your hands on a gmail account, let me know and I'll throw one in your direction.

Also, don't say, "I'm better than a jumbo sized bag of pork rinds," without the actual pork rinds to back it up. Tell the men why you have a lot to offer; tell those attractive and successful, but kind and sincere men just how varied your interests are. However, there may not be much in store for you seeing as the first two qualities you list are attractive and successful. In a personal ad, these words translate to"I'm a golddigger." I'm sorry to say this, but they do. Just like voluptuous is akin to rotund, portly, and craigslist favorite: BBW.


Ad #2:

Seeking Boyfriend for casual relationship with little commitment


Looking for someone to date on a casual basis...NOT looking for serious and not looking for fuck buddy or friends with benefits...this is a boyfriend "position" or title or w/e you want to call it.

If you want to be with a girl who loves sex, hanging out, wants to be your friend and do fun things like go to the movies, downtown, bonfires, etc., a girl who can cook, gives 120% of herself to the relationship she is in and can please you in more ways than you can count... then message me...

WAIT!I know it sounds perfect, but...I also have two cats so if your allergic, it prolly wouldn't work out because they get into everything (clothes, blankets, furniture, etc.). I am only interested in white males between 21-34 who are above 5'6" and in decent shape. I am not perfect and I don't expect you to be either. Must also be great in bed (and decently endowed lol).



Where to start.... this one, not unlike Britney Spears, is a hot mess.

I'm confused: Does she want a boyfriend or a casual, non-committal relationship? The ad does not get any better at explaining this ideal relationship of hers other than I'm pretty sure she's chuckling at her keyboard wondering what sucker has fallen for her thinly veiled boyfriend trap. Woman, if you want a regular sex partner that you can dote on, that's a boyfriend.

The rest of it is pure amusement factor. I don't expect you to be perfect BUT you must like cats, be this, this, that, this, that, good in bed, and well-endowed. A lot of men think they are well-endowed when they are average and unless your cooter is rivaling the Grand Canyon, then you really have nothing to worry about. Oh wait, but you wanted a boyfriend, not a f-buddy. Riiiight.

Suggestion: Make up your mind. If you want commitment, you want it. Don't shroud it and false advertise, you're only going to hurt yourself. If you want a f-buddy with a huge penchant for felines, make sure you're able to separate the physical from the emotional. Figure it out and THEN post a personal ad. Don't confuse the mens, it's not nice.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: SPELL CHECK! And leave the netspeak for AOL IM. It's not cute or savvy, it's just icky.



Ad #3:

If you are a single women in your 20's or 30's thinking about getting a cat, DON'T. Single women with cat's are a big turn off for most men. If you already have cats you should be upfront in your posting that you do indeed have a cat or heaven help you that you have several cats. Sorry that I had to be the dick that posted this but many men will be happy for it.



Okay, so this isn't a woman it was posted in a women's section and it was so funny I couldn't help but include it. PSA, Girls: ALL MEN HATE CATS. Maybe someone should clue this one in that some men own cats, even multiple cats, and not all that own cats are crazy cat lady from the Simpsons. Heck, some women cat owners happen to love dogs (me included) but our lifestyle does not lend itself to being a responsible dog owner.

I'm also curious as to how many women hide the fact that they have cats? Kids, maybe. But cats? Dude, get a grip.



Maybe all men should list any and all pets they care for, including back hair, because sometimes it has a mind of its own.

Suggestion: I'm glad you are down with your cat-hatred but I don't care if you don't like my pet. That means you aren't worthy of me. Your loss. Don't waste time posting this stuff. Oh, and don't go for the chick in ad #2. I hear she has cats- yes, plural. RUN! While you still can!